


fate, up against your will

by trickmirror



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Re-post from Fanfiction.Net, and then ch 2 is one big disgusting fluff-fest, lol i may finish this one day but who can never be sure?, lol pretending season 3 didnt happen, with a splash of hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:37:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7716787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trickmirror/pseuds/trickmirror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU set after 2x07- What happens after Ethan and Vanessa's argument at the end of "Little Scorpion"? Another argument perhaps? Angst, then fluff, and maybe some smut down the road, if I'm not too emotionally devastated by the finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fate, up against your will

“Welcome to the night, Vanessa,” he said in a voice filled with acid. 

Ethan stared at her for a long moment before turning himself away from her and letting out a long sigh, staring into the dying fire.

She just stood there, stunned at the cruel words he had spoken. She knew he would be angry- she had anticipated that. 

But now he seemed utterly done with her. That was more frightening than any of the rage she had had in mind. 

Would he leave her now? Go back to London alone, maybe even all the way back to America? 

The thought unsettled her deeply. She knew she wouldn’t be able to fight the devil off without him. But she also knew it was more than that. 

She truly depended on his kindness and his courage to survive. If her actions tonight drove him away, she would more than never forgive herself- she would not be able to live. 

To be so dependent on another person like this was strange and terrifying, but she wouldn’t trade Ethan for anything. 

She would have to try to fix this space between them. 

Vanessa waited a moment, and then tentatively placed a trembling hand on Ethan’s right shoulder. He shrugged it off and turned his back to her. 

This was going to be hard, she knew, but they had no other choice. To live without his quiet strength would be unthinkable. 

“Ethan,” she murmured in a shaky voice. But he just grunted and strode across the room to the couch, sitting down with more force than necessary. 

Vanessa turned to look at him. He was leaning forwards, elbows on his knees, scowling at the candles in the fireplace.  
She made a move to walk towards him, but his voice stopped her in her tracks. 

“Forget it, Vanessa. There’s nothing you can say to me that will make things right. I just-” He shook his head sadly and rubbed his face with his palms.  
“What you did was absolutely irrevocable. There is no going back from this, Vanessa. You have to understand that. Killing- it stays with you. You’ve done exactly what the devil wants you to do. I’m just afraid that you can’t be saved.” 

There was a pregnant pause. “I know that, Ethan, but I was damned from the start.” she replied. 

He gave her an exasperated look. “You were never damned, Vanessa. Only you believed that.” 

She gave him a look filled with venom. “I know who I am, Mr. Chandler. I have always been cursed.” 

“And I know who you are, Ms. Ives,” he spat back. 

There was a moment of heavy silence between them before Ethan spoke again. 

“I know who you are, Vanessa. Now more than ever.”

He got up from his perch on the couch and began to walk in the direction of the door. “Please don’t leave,” she said in a small voice. 

He turned around to look at her.  
Suddenly he was moving towards her in long strides, a feral look in his eyes. His rough hands grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look into his wild eyes. 

“I will never leave you,” He said fiercely. “Not now, not ever.”

Vanessa turned her head away.

“Look at me,” he growled, grasping her chin once again. 

“Don’t think for a second that I am not furious with you and how you threw away your soul so cheaply. Don’t think that what you did doesn’t change things, Vanessa. It has and it will. You have turned away from your God, just as I have turned away from mine.”

She cast her eyes downwards for a moment and then returned his intense gaze. He continued.

“But, I need you to know that some things have not changed. I will still stand by your side until I draw my last breath. 

I will still do everything in my power to protect you from the unspeakable evil you are facing. These things will never change, no matter what you do.” 

The relief in her eyes was so palpable he almost kissed her right there and then. But now was not the time for that.

He was still enraged with what she had done to herself and would not calm down so quickly. 

But that didn’t mean that he didn’t still care for her. And so, he released her trembling chin and held her tightly in a rough embrace.

After overcoming the initial shock, she gingerly wrapped her arms around his waist in return. Ethan rested his chin against the top of her head. 

“I just didn’t want you to make the same mistakes that I have,” he mumbled into her hair. “I didn’t want you to do something so… so life-altering without fully thinking about the consequences,” he added. 

Vanessa stiffened in his arms. “And if I did think about the consequences?” she retorted, feeling a little defiant in the face of his sudden, all-knowing concern. 

At her words, Ethan withdrew his chin from its perch upon her head and lifted hers up to look at him. 

“Then, maybe you can’t be saved,” he replied sadly. Vanessa’s gaze faltered. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t die trying. Before this night, I saw you through a screen, seeing only your goodness and your light, and not as much your potential for darkness. You are changed now, Vanessa, you must carry this darkness with you always. I wish I could have saved you from that burden, but I was too late..." 

Vanessa interrupted him."No, that was my choice to make. I have always carried this darkness with me. I have always felt the chill of death down my back. Maybe I am becoming who I truly am." 

"Don't say that!” he retorted sharply. “I have seen you and this is not who you are. You may be a woman with great depths, who struggles with the light and the dark, but the darkness is not all you are. You are so much more than that. You may be a creature of the night now, but do not forget your capacity for goodness and light. I have seen you, Vanessa, and that is not all you are.” 

“And what do you you see now?” she asked in a quiet voice. 

Ethan was quick to reply. “I see a creature, feral and alive, who has been backed into a corner and is fighting back, but perhaps at the wrong enemy. I see… I see myself in you Vanessa, and that is never something I wanted to say.”

At this, Vanessa pulled away from him a little bit to better look into his eyes. “And what is the matter with becoming more like you, Mr. Chandler? To be strong and brave and able to protect those you… you… care about?” 

Her voice faltered on those last words, unable to yet voice her true feelings, not at a time like this, when he was so angry with her. 

“But what you did was neither strong nor brave. It was cruel and goddamn spiteful. You didn’t kill him to protect anyone, you just killed him to get revenge.” 

He extricated himself from her arms and started pacing the room. 

“I am not the man you think I am, Vanessa. I am not this noble knight of fucking yore come to rescue you and be chivalrous.” 

His accent got thicker the more upset he became.

“I am your colleague and your friend and I have flaws. All those men, women, and children whose deaths I am responsible for… that’s a pretty big fucking flaw, I’d say. I never wanted you to end up as burdened as me, as dark as me.” 

He took a deep breath and continued. “I was afraid that your actions, this murder, would divide us. But now I know, now I know that it has only tied us closer together.  
We are closer now, closer than we have ever been- our mutual darkness unites us.” 

There was anger burning behind his eyes again, and that ignited something in Vanessa. “Can’t you see? You are not the monster- I am!” she growled as she tore past him towards the staircase.

“I never wanted this, Vanessa,” he said unhappily as she stormed up the stairs to the loft. When she had made it to the top, one thing stopped her dead. 

The Verbis Diablo was still lying open on the floor, as if no time had passed at all. She let out a roar and gave the infernal tome a heavy kick before collapsing onto the floor in tears.

Downstairs, Ethan sat back down on the couch, rubbing his face with his hands and staring morosely into the embers of the fire.

**Author's Note:**

> yoooooooo so i posted this on fanfic.net like a year ago but i'm reposting here because i really don't use that site anymore... this is still my first fanfic that's anywhere near completion so do hmu with any constructive criticism as this was in no way beta'd or edited LOL... if i get enough hype i may actually conclude this with some good ole fashioned smut


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